I’m just back from my annual pilgrimage to EuroPLoP in Bavaria – I say pilgrimage because every year, after nearly eight hours travel (3 trains, 1 plane and 1 taxi). When I open the door to my room I feel like a monk entering my cell – probably because the conference is at a former monastery and the hotel rooms were once monk cells.
There is one lesson I re-learn there every year, and this year it seems particularly relevant – because of AI, because people are lazy, because of my current client, because I see the same mistake being made again and again.
Almost everyone at EuroPLoP brings a paper, I certainly did. And we read each others paper – by the time I get there I have typically read over 100 pages in detail.
The conference exists to review these papers. As a writer I sit and listen for over an hour listening – only listening, no talking, no saying “you don’t understand” – as other people discuss my paper. It can be joyous, it is also hard and can be hurtful. The lesson I learn again and again is simply: the person who decides the message the writer is sending is not the writer, it is the reader. The same applies for speakers and listeners: it is the receiver not the transmitter who decides the message.
As a writer you may think you are clear, unambiguous and to the point. You may think there is no room for misinterpretation or ambiguity but you are wrong.
Every reader brings their own context, their own concerns, problems and priorities. Readers read into your paper what they want.
This lesson goes beyond my writing, it goes into my speaking and my presenting, from there into my leading, my enthusing, my nudging.
Ultimately, it is very hard for me – or anyone else – to tell anyone else what to do because it is the receiver who decides what they have been asked to do. (More next time.)
I’d love to see you at EuroPLoP and see you learn this lesson but few can afford the time – and energy – so take this short cut: always assume people will interpret your words differently. Strive to keep you messages simple. Explain yourself, ask other what they have heard and always, always, give other people the chance to say something so you can receive feedback. Without feedback you can’t correct and you can’t improve.
When the audience is important to you, when you actually care about them don’t just say “Any comments?” or “Does anyone have questions?” Instead, pause. Ask the person on your right what they think, then the person to their right, and go all around the circle. Don’t reply, let everyone have their voice and respect that voice.
You might not have time to do this too often but make some time to do it. When I do multi-day training sessions I usually do it each morning, or important meetings after a break or before we move to conclusion. Many people shy away from speaking so give everyone a moment to be special. Save your replies to the end.